Tomorrow I was here

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Experiencing both sensations during the film seems the most appropriate reaction. Consequently, Wish I Was Here works far better as a drama — or, more accurately, as a three-hankie melodrama — than as a comedy. Likewise, Patinkin elevates what could have been a standard dying-father character into something far more moving and measured, giving the act of dying a grace and dignity that so rarely occurs in the real world. Johnson, Hoyt David Morgan.

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But he was my everyday. He was the reason home was home. Now I am not sure of anything any more. Where is home? He will never get to see our grandchildren when they arrive. We were fortunate in that he at least got to see our daughter married and met our wonderful son-in-law. But my poor son will never be able to share his dad with his wife. What is my future like?

How many years of this loneliness will I have to endure? I am just floating from day to day, just going with the flow. The new normal is hard although I am trying to embrace it. Hi Sumita- Thank you -You echo exactly how I feel and have very similar things happening.

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I see older couples together and cry at what I will now miss forever-yeah resent it too. I was 64 and her this was supposed to go on. I wonder at times maybe of she had married someone else she would still be alive-it was me- I guess I did not deserve her. I ache with why was I the one left behind? Life is now over for me-this new normal- is not any normal and not accepted. I was very fortunate to have a love at first sight experience.

She was stunning at 14, but even more so at 40, 50 and even I loved watching her age, which, like everything else, she did beautifully. I was very surprised that she died. Throughout her illness, I held on to the hope that her treatments could reverse her cancer. By the time her death was inevitable, it was too late to communicate with her properly, except emotionally. I cared for her at home, but there was no way to discuss the future, which loomed like a black hole. My very beautiful wife, best friend and soulmate of 54 years passed away on , she had just turned 68 the month before.

When she was diagnosed with cancer, two years prior, I was in a fortunate position to retire and be her full-time care giver for 2 years before she passed away. Throughout our marriage we always had a very close and loving relationship, but the last 2 years brought me even closer to this wonderful and loving human being, as I came to love and admire her tenacity and her courage during her illness. You know, 54 years is a long time and not all of it was great, but we loved each other deeply, persevered and worked hard to make the best of it during hard times and lived the best of it when there were great times.

And, we were fully faithful and dedicated to each other- particularly as I took on the role of her care giver. The Judy I knew before all those other messy things came around and took her away. I could see her, I could feel her, I could breathe this big sigh of relief because my heart tricked my mind and it was as if she was never really gone. As if somehow this had all been a nightmare and she never really left us.

I asked her how I was going to explain to everyone that I had lied and that she never really died. It sucks the wind right out of your sails and takes you two steps back. Some days I wake up after one of those dreams and I realize the heartbreak of not having Judy here all over again. We had a charmed life. Our shared life was a fairy tale come true. Suffice to say that my former life was a hell of a lot more enjoyable than being a widower. I want to return to this place in time when I thought about travelling abroad with my wife. Okay, leave the travelling aspirations aside, I want just one thing.

I want a wife who is not dead. But, mine is and no amount of wishing will change this. I want to be in the club again. I desperately miss being part of a couple because it grants you entrance into conversation. All of this stuff is just a daydream in my head because Judy died before I even got to really retire. For us, there will not be any retirement years spent together.

There are no more years. There is no more anything. There is nothing.

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There will be no trips abroad together. Judy and I will never lay together on another beach. We will not stroll hand in hand down the cobble stone streets of some far away place. Never again will I hear Judy make one of her impulsive, uncouth, crazy comments as she excitedly experiences all these places we will never go again. I can never witness Judy talking to a man selling doughnuts on a beach in Mexico again.

In this new life of mine, Judy is only a memory. She can not wake up and have coffee with me in her kitchen or some dreamy place along the Amalfi Coast. We will not sit together on a balcony of a boutique hotel in Santorini. We can not get lost in conversation as we drink red wine while we watch the sun go down over the ocean in Crete. We can not get blind drunk in an Irish pub and stumble back to our hotel room. We can not go anywhere in this world anymore because she is gone from here. What a cruddy reality this is.

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My future is nothing like the one we had planned. There will be no cruises with my wife. The year following her death, there was no trip to Hawaii in the Spring and we never went to Ireland like we planned. Sure, I have become self-sufficient.

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I may sit on a beach in Hawaii; but, while I do this a piece of me will wish that I was there with the woman I love. And, yes, someday I will go to Paris and stand under the Eiffel Tower at night; but Judy will not physically be with me like I imagined. The way I constructed all of this in my head will never come to be. Like you, I have been forced to live a future that is radically different from the one I had planned. So now what? Now, I spend my weekends alone and occasionally I look at the sunset with a bottle of beer and shoot the shit with my dead wife.

I guess maybe I am pouting and getting lost in the past. I do make plans and engage with my friends, but usually on the drive home from these activities I feel absolutely empty. Being in a loving relationship and sharing your life with another human being is what makes life full. The huge void inside me can not be filled with a well made eggs Benedict brunch or a savory steak dinner at a classy restaurant with a group of friends.

All of this rings utterly hollow in comparison to my former life. I hear you EDH and share alot of what you are going through. We too had dreams to finally get to Ireland after retiring. Also Barbados for a second honeymoon. Get to Nashville and see that great area and its music. We were ready finally to resume 2 week vacations at the Jersey Shore that we had stopped taking in order to make rent payments and afford other more important things.

But when it was time she was robbed from me too and now my life also empty and void of life-Its a sleepwalk and days of fake forced smiles. I miss her so much-she was my love at first sight and only true love. We got the royal screw job too her losing her life at 62 after only 2 months after diagnosis. Nut she got to go and I get to stay regretting every minute of it. I see others my age and older enjoying those years they deserved and think why them? What did I do wrong?

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I resent them and at times resent Terry for dying on me. I talk to the air but get no replys-I have not been visited in the year shes been gone. I doubt that stuff even exists and am doubting alot of things now-even God I have lost faith in.